Caged Thoughts
by Akhet
Summary: Yugi lost part of himself when Yami went on to the afterlife, what happens when his friends blame him for taking Yami away? What will they do to get Yami back? Yugi angst. I'm not very good at summaries... please read!
1. Chapter 1

He rolled over and tried to free himself from his sheets but it was pointless

Hey there, well this is my first fanfic ever. I'm not so good at this and the characters are probably horribly out of character. This story is based after the anime ended.

Legal stuff ….I don't own Yugioh, but imagine if I did…it would be so much darker.

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He rolled over and tried to free himself from his sheets but it was pointless. He'd had another nightmare again and fought his way into tangling himself up within his own bed. In one way he was trapped.

Yuugi groaned quietly and tried not to relive what had made him toss and turn in the night, but demons like that are hard to ignore.

It started out the same every time; he had just defeated his partner at the most important duel of both of their lives. Only Ryou and Seto were not in tears. After all who had expected that little Yuugi Motou who seemed to have no duelling ability whatsoever could possible defeat the titled King Of Games? Yuugi despised it when everyone assumed that the "Pharaoh" did all the duelling, he wasn't just an empty vessel for Yami to use when he pleased. Yuugi himself was sad when he left Yami's presence leave him. But then he knew that the nightmare started. Jou's eyes are red and puffy from crying as he walked towards Yuugi.

"You…" He threatened, lifting Yuugi up by his shirt. "Why did _you _have to win?"

Jou breathed deeply and shut his eyes. Obviously fighting the urge to shake Yuugi.

"Why now out of all the other times over the past few years, did _you _decide that you could duel? WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM FROM US?"

Yuugi couldn't hide the shock from his voice. "But this is what he wanted. Yami wanted to move on. This is what we wanted."

Behind Jou, Anzu had fallen to her knees and was sobbing her heart out. Yuugi had never seen them so sad.

Jou's eyes flashed with rage. "Why do you think we all let you duel him instead of me, or Kaiba or Marik!? Well it wasn't because we thought you had a higher chance of defeating Yami, we let you because you stood no chance. Hell Anzu had a better chance at beating Yami."

This was the part Yuugi wanted to forget. This was the moment that he realised that they didn't care about him. It tore him from the insides as Anzu, Jou and Honda circled around him crying out for Yami and how useless Yuugi was. It felt to him as if it never ended, but then the floor beneath him turned to sand and dragged Yuugi down. He fought and reached for his friends to help him but they just stood and watched.

Of course, that had never actually happened. His friends hadn't actually told him how disappointed they were in him for winning, but he could see it in their eyes. And seeing that look everyday wrenched Yuugi's heart.

For weeks after, they weren't the same. Slowly they stopped coming by to see him after school and suddenly had busy lives that would get in the way of hanging out together. School, though, was one place that they couldn't really get away. Ryou hadn't come back to school after returning from Egypt. No one had heard from him. Yuugi had a sneaky suspicion that he was morning the loss of Bakura, Yuugi could understand. The hole that Yami had left couldn't be filled by anything.

Life went on.

After a few weeks Ryou returned to school, claiming to have been suffering from glandular fever for the past month. But when Yuugi looked into his eyes, he could see that was a lie. Yuugi had become quite good at see through peoples masks, which made him keep up his own more strongly. On the outside he hadn't changed, he still liked puzzles and games and was generally very friendly to everyone. But deep down, he would never be the same. As Jou, Honda and Anzu slowly regained themselves, Yuugi became more lost in his feelings of regret.

He was in a lunchtime class that was supposed to be showing high school students what a university lecture was like, a preparation course of sorts. Little did Yuugi know the lecture was about Ancient Egypt and the Egyptology degree that Victoria University had just started to offer. As soon as the lecture began talking Yuugi knew he had to get out of there. He fought back tears and appeared to calmly leave the room. He made a dash for the bathroom, through the crowd of people in the hallway.

"Yuugi! I say, where are you off too in such a rush?" Ryou said.

Yuugi stopped, turned on his famous Yuugi smile and told him, "Just forgot my lunch, I was going to pop home and grab it."

"Don't bother. You can share mine. Come on, I've got plenty."

Ryou grabbed Yuugi's arm and led him in the opposite direction. Yuugi swallowed his feelings and acted as if nothing was wrong. They sat outside under a tree and Ryou took out his lunchbox. It was twice the size of a normal lunchbox. He passed Yuugi a sandwich.

"Don't worry I've got enough to feed an army."

"Ryou, why is that? You don't eat that much, Jou and Honda together wouldn't eat that much."

Yuugi told him while eyeing the box, he looked at Ryou and noticed a necklace pocking out of his uniform and disappear around his neck.

_How did I miss that? The lumps under his shirt should have been enough for me to realise. _Yuugi mentally scolded himself for being so blind.

"I'm not sure, force of habit I guess."

Yuugi sighed and shut his eyes. "When did you start wearing it again?"

He felt Ryou jump. "Wearing what?"

"Ryou, don't take me for a fool. The Ring. When did you start wearing it again?"

"I…I…never really stopped wearing it. No, that's wrong. I did, but when I put it on I couldn't help but hope to hear his voice again. Yuugi I don't think I can handle this. I need him back."

Ryou's mask slid off and Yuugi could see how miserable he was. It panged at Yuugi's insides again.

--

All right first chapter, didn't really go anywhere…um…I'm really not confident at writing so advice, comments, criticism are all very welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read!


	2. Chapter 2

So chapter 2! Two updates in 24hrs, I sense a long period of nothing approaching. Hopefully more plot…then again maybe not.

Legal stuff ….I still don't own Yugioh

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Yuugi didn't have an answer for Ryou. The old him would comfort his friend and tried to help him through his pain, but now Yuugi had nothing to say. He just sat there and blankly stared at Ryou.

"I recently started reading a few books that Bakura had. Most were just the normal Egypt textbooks but in one he'd circled a photo."

Yuugi was unsure where this conversation was going. "And?"

Ryou fidgeted with the Ring and pulled it out of his shirt. He looked down at it. "I don't want to get my hopes up but I tried to read the hieroglyphs. It's still unclear because I haven't really been able to translate the whole thing but I think there's a way we can bring them back."

Yuugi's stomach lurched. "W-w-what!?" He stuttered.

Ryou beamed. "I think I know how to bring them back."

"You're kidding. That's great!"

Yami's voice floated around Yuugi's mind, patches of odd conversations that they had years before. Just nonsensically bickering about little things that seemed so trivial looking back. Yuugi had tried to block his memories of Yami out but they all came flooding back as he realised that he wouldn't be so empty anymore.

"I need more time to look into the finer details but are you definitely up for this?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Well, you went through so much to get him to the afterlife, and he got his deserved rest. Do you think he'd want to be brought back? With Bakura it's really rather simple, he didn't get a choice this time and I think he left those books for me to find so I could bring him back." Ryou tried and failed to keep the worry out of his voice.

Yuugi felt his joy drain away. Yami's voice was silent again. Ryou, ever the voice of reason, had in five minutes managed to make Yuugi the happiest he had been in a long time and also the most depressed.

The new Yuugi was back his mask back up; his old self had made a dash for freedom only to be pushed further away. He had wanted to see Yami again so badly that he had forgotten that Yami, himself, had actually wanted to be defeated and sent to the afterlife. He wanted peace. Who was Yuugi to take that from him after all he had been through?

_A selfish child that refuses to grow up, that's who._ Yuugi thought gloomily.

Yuugi stood up and smiled hollowly down at Ryou. "Thanks for the sandwich and for the great news. Make sure you tell me when you're done, and if you need a hand just give me a call."

And there it was again, that horrible feeling deep down in Yuugi's being. Shame.

Yuugi ran off towards the main school building, making sure Ryou didn't have time to say anything else. He hated it, but he knew Ryou only meant well and Yuugi couldn't stay mad at him.

He ran to the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face, making his hair droop slightly, hoping that it would knock some of the thoughts out of his head.

Yuugi breathed deeply.

"Hiding in a toilet, how juvenile of me. Heh, takes me back." He laughed coldly, bent over the sink.

After all, even Yuugi didn't know how many hours he had spent in the school bathrooms hiding when he was young. The bell rang indicating the end of lunch, which caused him to flinch and knock his head against a tap.

"Ouch." He whispered, rubbing his head softly, trying to numb the pain.

He ran the cold tap again and splashed his face, he straightened up and glanced at the mirror. But Yuugi didn't see his own reflection, there was Yami staring back at him with that famous grin of his. His mouth moved but Yuugi heard no sound. Yami shut his eyes and rubbed his forehead in frustration. He pointed to the side of his head, prompting Yuugi to do the same. Yuugi blinked and found himself staring at his own reflection pointing to where he had bumped his head.

Not like it's the first time this has happened. Yuugi reasoned, he liked being sane and wanted to keep it that way. Just because my reflection looks like him doesn't mean that it is.

He took one last look at his reflection and headed back to class. Yuugi slid into his seat by the window and blended into the class. He didn't notice the three pairs of eyes that were glued to him until half way through the lesson. He had been taking notes absentmindedly and hadn't looked up for some time. He was alerted to their watchful glances only when from behind him Honda poked him in the side making him jump up in surprise.

"Whoa, what was that for- oh it's just you Honda. Hey."

"So Yuugi….we just had an interesting conversation with Ryou." Jou started, who was sitting in the aisle next to Yuugi, hoping the rest would speak for itself. When Yuugi didn't say anything he kept angling. "Turns out he can read hieroglyphs. Amazing aye."

Anzu piped up and turned around from in front of Yuugi. "Yeah I hear he's been having a go at translating some scripts about the Millennium items. Talented little guy."

Across the class room Yuugi could see Ryou trying to hide behind his white hair, turning a slightly pink colour.

"You two need to work on your subtly, badly." Yuugi rolled his eyes. They were so see through, but with this matter he doubted that they wanted to be subtle. "Yes, I had heard that. Hopefully he finishes soon."

They all were smiling. Anzu clapped her hands. "I can't wait! I can't believe he's coming back. Things really haven't been the same since he left."

"You're right, Anzu. Everything's so normal. I wonder what Yami'll get up to when he gets here." Honda added happily.

"You must be ecstatic, Yuugi." Jou said. "I bet you're the most excited out of all of us."

Yuugi nodded and smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. No one would ever think that he was dying on the inside.

I can't help but wonder if they'll stay that happy when I tell them I'm not bringing him back.

--

Hmmm, the plot keeps changing. I keep going to write one thing and then it changes completely into something different. I'm not sure if this will turn out the way I want, it's going in a different direction. Oh well.

And sorry for the OOC, it seems it shall be happening a lot. Although, if you can put up with the OOC I can guarantee no Original Character's shall appear.

Anyhoo, I'm up for reader input if anyone has any ideas. And thanks for the review. Means a lot, so thanks again!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 already, I've never written so much without losing interest.

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Jou, Anzu and Honda barely sat still for the rest of the day, they were far too excited. Even the teacher couldn't calm them down, but not from lack of trying. Eventually he had them under minimal control and got them to be quiet.

Yuugi tried to focus on the class but he had bigger worries. He was doing the right thing wasn't he? He didn't want to drag Yami back here just because he missed him. Yuugi could never be that selfish. But if he did and Yami really didn't want to come back, every time Yuugi would see him he would feel guilty and it would eat away at him. He couldn't bear having Yami feel that it was Yuugi's fault that he was ripped from his rest. Yuugi would rather die than have Yami hate him.

Yuugi tapped the side of his head with his pencil. He couldn't ask his friends to help him decide. It was painfully obvious that they wanted Yami back at any cost but he needed to tell them sooner rather than later. Maybe Ryou wouldn't be able to read the rest of the script and then Yuugi wouldn't have to tell them. _What am I thinking? Ryou will finish translating that thing if it kills him._

He gathered up his books and waited for the bell. Yet again he needed to make a quick getaway.

Yuugi not to look to eager for the bell but when it finally rang he was up off his seat before anyone else and bounding down the hallway, the crowd of students flowing out of classes hiding him nicely. Once free of the school buildings he ran as fast as he could out of the school grounds and disappeared down the street, taking little notice of the black limo driving towards him.

In the years that Yami had been gone, Yuugi had grown physically. Although he still held the shortest student award he had filled out and wasn't so scrawny anymore. He was lean, fit and could run surprisingly fast when he wanted too. Something that remained the same was Yuugi's hair. He had given up trying to control it but the most recent reflection incident, at lunchtime, had reminded him how everyone saw him. His resemblance to Yami, of course, was uncanny but Yuugi didn't want that recognition today. He needed space to think. When he arrived home, he rushed up stairs to his bathroom.

And there again in the mirror was Yami staring back at him. Yuugi growled in frustration.

"Yami, Yami, Yami. I'm not you!" Yuugi snapped at the Yami reflection.

The Yami in the mirror narrowed his crimson eyes as if to say the mere notion of that was laughable.

Yuugi jumped, his pocket was vibrating. He flicked his cell phone out. His phone had barely been used over the past month or so, but out of habit he keep it on his person at all times. It said 'new message from Jou'. Jou's message said, 'so you must have been rushing outta school to help Ryou, well told him to meet you at your place. We'll be there soon too. You're gonna work hard, we wanna see Yami soon!'

Yuugi threw the phone out of the bathroom, it hit the hallway wall and the battery popped out of it. He returned to glaring at the Yami reflection.

"Please." He begged Yami. "Stop it."

The reflection changed back to Yuugi.

His hair.

That was the answer.

The one thing that really linked them together now. Yuugi didn't want to do anything drastic, he liked his hair the way it was but he didn't want to be Yuugi Motou today. He ran to his room and picked up a bottle of hair gel that was sitting next to his puzzle. Yuugi's hand lingered over the puzzle. It gleamed of reflected light. He sighed and went back to the bathroom. A whole bottle of hair gel and a change of clothes later he didn't even recognise himself.

He wore a dark blue hoody and dark blue jeans. His hair fell straight down, just longer than his shoulders. Two blonde streaks framed his face and the rest of his hair was black that faded to purple-red at the ends. Yuugi now looked much older than he was. He chanced a look at the mirror and to his joy he found no Yami look-alike staring back at him.

He left the bathroom but stopped by his door. He didn't have long until his friends would arrive, he needed to leave. He grabbed the puzzle and made a dash for the front door. He doubted his Grandpa had heard him get home but he was still careful to avoid him.

Yuugi wasn't even a hundred metres away from the shop when he passed Ryou walking the other way. Ryou didn't seem to notice Yuugi, although the puzzle basically gave him away. Ryou was half reading one of the books that he was carrying. Yuugi kept calm and sauntered along, he was just far away enough to hear Ryou knock on his door and for his Grandpa to tell him that Yuugi hadn't come home yet.

Yuugi turned down a street and changed directions when he saw Jou and co. approaching him, if they looked at him closely, Yuugi knew that they would figure out it was him. He was heading for the park but he knew that would be one of the first places they would look. He walked and walked until he came to the sea, he'd been here a few times before but not enough for anyone to look for him there. Yuugi collapsed on the sand, lay on his back and studied the puzzle closely.

"What to do, what to do." He asked it.

Did he choose to make himself and his friends happy and risk upsetting Yami, or leave things the way they were and risk his friend's anger. Yuugi knew if he decided on the latter, his friends would definitely be angry, there was no doubt in his mind. After having first hand experience of having no one to turn to Yuugi knew he couldn't go back to that.

Was he selfish or selfless?

--

Apparently, I like to make characters avoid making any decisions. Well Yuugi's gonna have to decide soon, I can't be bothered dragging it out much more.

When I wrote the straight hair Yuugi I couldn't help but laugh. My vision of straight hair Yuugi is probably way different to the way it came out.

I hope the readers are enjoying the story so far.

Thanks again for those keeping an eye on the story and for the reviews! Reviews are very good for my small ego. Thanks!


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